The Countdown Revealed

Now, in my defense... I told you all in one of my very first posts that the countdown was something personal, nothing that was going to affect anyone but me. And from there it has been extremely entertaining watching everyone's anticipation grow with each passing day.

In order to reveal, I need to turn back time about 5 years.  Picture it... We were away for some reason and staying at a hotel- Zob, me, Fylee and Qaitlin who was just a toddler. I was in the shower, and Fylee, as any mother on the planet can attest, "suddenly" has to use the bathroom once I am in there. Now, the particular shower I was in was one with the rippled glass door so as to distort any image standing inside it (as though I needed the distortion help). Fylee comes in, and of course, it wasn't a quick trip- number two instead of just a quick whiz... so he's sitting there, doing his thing, with the speed of frozen syrup, and he yells in to me "Mommy... you look like a teletubby. The red one!"  For any of you not blessed with less than 48 inch minions or grand-minions, Teletubbies are a drug-induced creation of some pedophile posing as a children's show creator. They are rediculous pear-shaped alien beings who don't speak, but run around in dopey costumes with odd-shaped appendages on their heads as their every action is narrated by someone, who I imagine is, the pedophile himself. I will try to enclose an image from the internet to assist your imaginations.

As you can see (or imagine if I failed my attempt to enclose an image) Teletubbies are not all that attractive. This reality, as pointed out by my then 5-year-old, has nearly destroyed any minute semblence of self esteem I had at that time. (However, I remain grateful to have been tagged the red one, who is not only the shortest, but also the less enormous of the four.) So, I made it my goal to un-become a Teletubby- ANY Teletubby, even the red one. Several things have assisted in my procrastination of acheiving that goal, one of which was having a third child (Pogan) in 2008. It wasn't until last summer, at band camp (ok, just kidding, it was actually at the swimming pool) that I firmly reconnected with my goal of shedding my Teletubby image. It was a hot August afternoon, I took the day off to spend with the kids, and we went to the pool. By this time, I had convinced myself that strutting around in a one-peice swim-suit would not induce mass vomiting by onlookers. So here I am, it's break time, and the kids and I are on the loungechairs at the side of the pool. I am on my tummy, and apparently the water on the backs of my thighs have pooled into my cellulite dimples enough to invite a small bird to come over for a refreshing drink or to bathe itself. (Ok, so I admit I embellished this for the sake of humor- it really wasn't a small bird, it was really just a dragonfly- but bird sounded funnier). Now that I have insects drinking from my fat dimples, I am suddenly aware that I most certainly must have caused some vomiting during my twenty-yard-dash from the locker room to my loungechair. I promised myself that I would not resurface at that pool again until I was one-peice-worthy. Thus began my journey to weight loss. 

My journey has been assisted by inner-office Biggest Loser competitions whereby humiliation of public scale-tipping encourages weight loss. I simply raised the stakes on the public humiliation factor and have turned my journey into entertainment for you on Facebook. Pushed on by everyone's curiosity over the past four months, I found that the fear of not wanting to fail miserably was quite a buffet-deterrent. I had originally set my goal to be under the 150 mark by May 1st. Sadly, I have not made that goal. My mouth is way too attached to my stress level. However, I have been able to drop a noticeable amount of weight, and have lost several inches on various parts of my Teletubby form. I believe I now resemble a more emaciated red one. I was smart enough to build in a month at the end of my public journey before the pool opens to tackle those remaining pounds. 

So there you have it. My countdown was all about Teletubbies and thirsty insects.