Well, SOMEBODY has been giving me the business about not posting all week. -said it was messing with her ability to go to sleep. I'm so sorry, a few things got in the way,... like the health, homework and hygiene of my three offspring units! But, I have them otherwise occupied now, so I have time to blog. Zaitlin is peeling herself an apple with a Ginsu, Fylee is trying to untangle his neck scarf from the tines of the snow-blower, and Pogan is trying to fish a piece of meow mix out of the electrical outlet with a fork. So, I should have about a half-hour to... oh, Holy smokes! hang on a second, Pogan is sitting too close to the space heater... jeez, doesn't he know how dangerous that could be??!!
Whew! Disaster averted. It's like these kids are blind to the most obvious of hazards!
Ok, on to my blog for the day. I suppose, as a sit here teeth chattering, lips blue, extremities numb and blackening, I should give appropriate screen-time to this lovely South Dakota weather. For those of you not living in South Dakota, suffice it to say, we are all eating our second quarter pounders free of charge, and have been since mid October. (Consult a midwest McDonald's promo if you don't know what this means) WHY do I live in this state??? I hate the climate here!! Out of 365 days, 179 of them are snow or ice-covered or have the potential to be (October - March); then we have that oft-unpredictable month of April where you can comfortably wear a nice spring outfit to work in the morning, but by five o'clock you are digging your sandal out of a snowbank.- That's another 30 days there. Next we have those hot and humid days of summer, May - mid September, when you have to worry about your children being carried off by mosquitoes the size of small aircraft. Last summer I was sitting on the bleachers watching my daughter's softball game, and I swear I heard a mosquito radio in for clearance to land... "zzzzz Tower zzzz, zzdiszzzz izzzzz zzzzzzero, zzzsixzzz, zzztwo, zzRoger, zzzAdam, Ivanzzz, Davidzzzzz, requeszzzzzting clearanzzzze to landzzz on tasty, unsuspecting toddlerszzzz forehead... do you copyzzz???"
So, really, there are only about 18 days OF THE ENTIRE YEAR when I actually enjoy South Dakota weather. Which brings me right back to my original interrogative- WHY DO I LIVE HERE? As I glance out the window and see my 44 minute-old snow-blowed driveway completely blanketed again, I feel the need to make a list of reasons why I don't pull up stakes, hitch up the kids, errr, I mean horses, and hit the westward trail. Let's see... well, for starters, we don't have hurricanes here. That's a plus. And aside from 1984 when I took up jump-roping for exercise, we normally don't have earthquakes here (did ya know they are STILL blaming colliding trectonic plates for that??!!) I live on a hill, so I don't have to worry about the dam breaking (although, last year, when it rained torrentially for 39 days, I did start nailing together some curved boards in my back yard). And, I have to admit, I have nearly met my demise by avalanche, but that was IN MY KIDS' CLOSETS! THAT natural disaster would go with me wherever I moved! We don't have smog, or green toxic waste clouds blanketing the city. We don't usually encounter crocodiles large enough to swallow small sedans, or giant apes crawling on tops of skyscrapers. We DO have some awesome advantages to living here in the midwest. No matter where in this state you live, there is ALWAYS a Walmart within 31 miles of you. We have bars here with dead animal heads hanging on the walls, and sure as rain, there is some local, damned proud of those mounts! You cannot drive more than 19 miles in any direction, on any paved road in South Dakota without running across a billboard promoting Wall Drug (and only we the true natives of this state, know that is not a pharmaceutical advertisement) Absolutely every town in South Dakota harbors a man still sporting a mullet, or a woman with Farrah Fawcett feathered hair. That's true, uncensored entertainment folks. And you can get it only here in South Dakota. So, after all the snow falls, and children fly off compliments of Skeeter-copters, I guess I'm ok here in the teeny-tiny southeast corner of So. Dak. Life is fairly predictable here. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out why my lights keep flickering off and on. And I'd better go check on Ginsu girl too. Peace-out peeps.
Sidebar: If you find my blogs even mildly amusing, please become a follower, and share me with your friends too. But, I'd like to see if I can gain at least one follower from every state. Can you help? (Insert your own visual of me looking desperate and sad)
Whew! Disaster averted. It's like these kids are blind to the most obvious of hazards!
Ok, on to my blog for the day. I suppose, as a sit here teeth chattering, lips blue, extremities numb and blackening, I should give appropriate screen-time to this lovely South Dakota weather. For those of you not living in South Dakota, suffice it to say, we are all eating our second quarter pounders free of charge, and have been since mid October. (Consult a midwest McDonald's promo if you don't know what this means) WHY do I live in this state??? I hate the climate here!! Out of 365 days, 179 of them are snow or ice-covered or have the potential to be (October - March); then we have that oft-unpredictable month of April where you can comfortably wear a nice spring outfit to work in the morning, but by five o'clock you are digging your sandal out of a snowbank.- That's another 30 days there. Next we have those hot and humid days of summer, May - mid September, when you have to worry about your children being carried off by mosquitoes the size of small aircraft. Last summer I was sitting on the bleachers watching my daughter's softball game, and I swear I heard a mosquito radio in for clearance to land... "zzzzz Tower zzzz, zzdiszzzz izzzzz zzzzzzero, zzzsixzzz, zzztwo, zzRoger, zzzAdam, Ivanzzz, Davidzzzzz, requeszzzzzting clearanzzzze to landzzz on tasty, unsuspecting toddlerszzzz forehead... do you copyzzz???"
So, really, there are only about 18 days OF THE ENTIRE YEAR when I actually enjoy South Dakota weather. Which brings me right back to my original interrogative- WHY DO I LIVE HERE? As I glance out the window and see my 44 minute-old snow-blowed driveway completely blanketed again, I feel the need to make a list of reasons why I don't pull up stakes, hitch up the kids, errr, I mean horses, and hit the westward trail. Let's see... well, for starters, we don't have hurricanes here. That's a plus. And aside from 1984 when I took up jump-roping for exercise, we normally don't have earthquakes here (did ya know they are STILL blaming colliding trectonic plates for that??!!) I live on a hill, so I don't have to worry about the dam breaking (although, last year, when it rained torrentially for 39 days, I did start nailing together some curved boards in my back yard). And, I have to admit, I have nearly met my demise by avalanche, but that was IN MY KIDS' CLOSETS! THAT natural disaster would go with me wherever I moved! We don't have smog, or green toxic waste clouds blanketing the city. We don't usually encounter crocodiles large enough to swallow small sedans, or giant apes crawling on tops of skyscrapers. We DO have some awesome advantages to living here in the midwest. No matter where in this state you live, there is ALWAYS a Walmart within 31 miles of you. We have bars here with dead animal heads hanging on the walls, and sure as rain, there is some local, damned proud of those mounts! You cannot drive more than 19 miles in any direction, on any paved road in South Dakota without running across a billboard promoting Wall Drug (and only we the true natives of this state, know that is not a pharmaceutical advertisement) Absolutely every town in South Dakota harbors a man still sporting a mullet, or a woman with Farrah Fawcett feathered hair. That's true, uncensored entertainment folks. And you can get it only here in South Dakota. So, after all the snow falls, and children fly off compliments of Skeeter-copters, I guess I'm ok here in the teeny-tiny southeast corner of So. Dak. Life is fairly predictable here. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out why my lights keep flickering off and on. And I'd better go check on Ginsu girl too. Peace-out peeps.
Sidebar: If you find my blogs even mildly amusing, please become a follower, and share me with your friends too. But, I'd like to see if I can gain at least one follower from every state. Can you help? (Insert your own visual of me looking desperate and sad)
I so appreciate your thoughtfulness and consideration concerning my ability to get some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZs;-)
ReplyDeleteAnonymously, Drew
Crack me up!
ReplyDelete-Dot
اعتقد انني لن ينتقل الى ولاية ساوث داكوتا في أي وقت بعد ذلك في وقت قريب.
ReplyDeleteLike I'm going to do the research for that! Persian, as with numbers, is not my long suit. Anonymously, D.
ReplyDeleteI used a translation program on the internet for our Anonymous friend above, and loosley, I think it says: "I don't believe I will be moving to South Dakota anytime soon!"
ReplyDeleteGreat job with that translation,Jo!
ReplyDeleteHave to say that I returned to make comment on the obvious issue that I missed noting yesterday: Jo, what are you DOING with a comment in PERSIAN on your blog!!?!!
Having a blog removed for too much swearing is one circumstance to avoid, but removed because of Homeland Security violations...?
Does fb even work with Homeland Security? Does fb have to...?
(or is this, perhaps, the "more drama" of which Anonymous the 1st spoke?)
Anonymously yours, D.