The answer was in my junk drawer.

Disclaimer:  Todays post is really quite lame. Sorry.

It is 6:02 in the evening. I have been helping my 10-year-old study for his Social Studies test since 5:00 tonight. He thinks I'm an ogre because I am making him re-read the chapter again. Approximately every 1.86 seconds, the child is finding something else to fidget with, or is making a noise similar to what I imagine a caveman would have made if he bit his tongue on accident. As I watch this display, my mind wanders to what I could possibly do to help this situation. Thinking sedatives are out of the question if I want to keep my job, my mind ventures on to more practical solutions. And now I have arrived at what I think would be the perfect answer- a staplegun. It's relatively non-invasive, painless, and would not require anything I don't already have here at the house. I think I shall staple him in place. I can staple the kid's pantlegs to the chair, his shirtsleeves to the countertop and I can affix a chin-sling to hang from the counter above his head. He can rest his chin in the sling, and I will elevate the book in front of his face. Seriously, I don't know what else would work as well. And now that I think of it, I think the staplegun could be the answer to several more isses here at the house. Socks, for example. I can staple them together before throwing them into the washer. They're mated for life! The cats keep scooting their water and food dishes all over the hallway... use the staplegun. I have run completely out of hair paste... staplegun. The remote keeps disappearing into the guts of the recliner... I'll use the staplegun. Sheets slide down to the bottom of the bed while sleeping... staplegun. Seven year old sasses back at me when I ask her to throw her dirty clothes down the laundry chute... staplegun. See?! It IS the answer to everything! I must journey on now, I have thousands of ice melt pellets to staple to the cement steps in front of the house.